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Though it was hard for my mom to digest the fact that her younger son is gay, she was still listening and was trying to understand me, she had the fear of my future getting spoiled, she knew that I was doing engineering just for her sake, after knowing that i am gay , she realized that only i should decide & choose my career.

I was not happy studying engineering, she wanted me to be happy at least in my studies, she thought that sexuality is not in ones hands but one can choose over on ones education , so she advised me to think over it . Again I was in a dilemma, i approached my cousin to help me over this, he told me it’s your decision, you can go for the switch if you think it’s needed, then finally I decided to give up on engineering. I had made up my mind but the decision was yet to be implemented.

My mom told me to first discuss with my Sir but the Sir refused to help me and instead threatened me that he will make sure that i don’t get to leave this college, this discouraged me to an extend where I thought of not leaving engineering, but my mom again stood by me, we both went to the principal for a discussion, he asked ” if not engineering then what ? ” , I answered “mass media”, he was quite okay with my decision of leaving engineering but he advised ” you took your decision that’s okay but it’s important to know whether you are mature enough to take this decision or not ” so for that he counselled me, in my mind i was thinking, when I took the admission for engineering no one counselled me to know if i was mature enough but when I wanted to leave he wants to counsel me !! , but fortunately he told that I can leave but my academic fees won’t be refunded, this turned up to be a huge problem for my family.

Somehow I managed to convince my family, me & my mom went to the bank to inform them about my decision, the loan officer wasn’t happy as he too had many expectations from me, when he asked my mom why she wasn’t stopping me from doing so, my mom started crying, she had got emotional thinking about my sexuality but the officer thought she is crying because I’m leaving engineering, the officer became more unhappy and thought it to be shameful me being her son, in the end finally we managed to cancel the rest of the loan but the amount already paid to the college had to be repaid to the bank, finally i was happy to be out of the cage.

I am not blaming anyone for this, I am equally responsible as I couldn’t say NO at the very beginning, but parents should give their child the freedom of choosing one’s education because in the end the child is the one who has to carry the burden and deal with it !!!.

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Coming out

          The way I talked, strolled and carried on just appeared to be normal to me. I’d generally been called names as far back as elementary school. It influenced me to feel resentful and confined from every other person.

        It wasn’t until the point that we were around 12 that I understood what that distinction was. Every other person began passing notes in class and going on ‘dates’ in the play area yet I was forgotten once more. 

        Being a young person is hard for a great many people. Be that as it may, being ginger, camp and having glasses didn’t precisely improve the situation either! 

          They say turning out to yourself is the hardest thing yet I oppose this idea. When you simply know something in your own particular head I thought that it was anything but difficult to simply cover the sentiments of disgrace and distinction I felt. My turning out was bit not quite the same as others as I was dragged out of the storage room I didn’t generally figure I could ever expose the unadulterated truth. 
        I really began turning out to my companions one by one… Incidentally I advised my cousin, but to be straightforward the main individuals I was thought about knowing them were my folks. I guaranteed to myself to turn out to them at point where I will be monetarily and rationally stable in my life. But “khuda ko kuch or hi manjoor tha.” It was a typical day I was returning home from my school. When I came to close to my area, my sibling’s friends were remaining there. They called me, one of my building school senior was likewise there. All of a sudden he asked me “is this you” and demonstrated to me a photo. I got stunned taking a gander at it. It was my photo in shorts and cosmetics which I clicked that day.
         What occurs next? My sibling turnrd up there. He saw that picture and said “mast hai re mujhe send kar”. I got numb. I didn’t recognize what was going on. What should I do now. They all began prodding me. I simply left from that point and went home. I did not understand what to do. Whom should I converse with. Would it be a good idea for me to address my sibling? No he won’t hear me out. This inquiries were hitting me. I went out and met my companions. I let them know everything. Everybody said just a single thing ” don’t stress we will converse with him, he won’t state at home”. However, I was certain this isn’t going to happen. I know my sibling extremely well. I called my cousin and requested help however he likewise said a similar thing. Atlast I supported myself by supposing one day this needs to happen let it be today if that is my destiny. 

       I got a call from my mother n she requesting that I get back home. I was anxious I knew my sibling has revealed to her beginning and end. The minute I returned home my mother called me inside and she shut the entryway. Me my mother and my sibling, we three of us were inside. She demonstrated to me the photo and asked me what garbage is this? I had no answer. I began crying. Seeing me crying she likewise go enthusiastic. Subsequent to asking such huge numbers of times I simply articulated one sentence ” aap nahi samjhoge”. I value my mother since her response was not the normal. She atleast listened me to. Acknowledgment isn’t a one day assignment. It needs time. That entire night went in crying and seeing each other. She doesn’t obligation the way that it’s characteristic and homosexuality exist however she didn’t need that to occur with her own youngster. My mother got enthusiastic and she didn’t need her child to endure as a result of his sexuality. She had an expectation of me Turing straight one day yet we as a whole realize that is not happening. Exactly what I lament about my turning out is my sibling’s response. He is extraordinary homophobic. His homophobia turned out physically. 

              This turning out made me more solid and certain. Not totally but rather my mother remained for me mostly atleast which wasn’t normal. She just said your are my child I cherish you. Simply remember one thing you don’t have to impart this to any other person. You know it..we know it..that’s alright. Presently no further discourse on this.

Portrayal of gay characters by bollywood

Take a look at any “mass comedy blockbuster” or any mindless entertainment Bollywood flick and you’ll see that Bollywood still has a formula when it comes to portraying certain things. Despite the handful of path-breaking films we are seeing today, there are still certain sins the Bollywood mainstream films are guilty of. Especially the way in which they portray the LGBT community, if at all they are portrayed. Here are 10 absurd ways in which Bollywood portrays the LGBT community:
1. They are always at the receiving end of highly offensive homophobic jokes which are often made by the hero of the film.
2. One common theme in ‘comedy movies’ is an onlooker mistaking the two heroes for being gay and getting severely scandalized.
3. If a gay character is included in a Bollywood movie, it’ll always be in the role of an overly-horny gay guy lusting for the hero despite the hero’s rebukes.
4. There has not been a single Bollywood movie where a leading actor has convincingly portrayed the role of a gay man! They have played the role of straight men pretending to be gay of course because that’s so hilarious right?
5. Progressive movies like ‘Fire’, ‘My Brother Nikhil’ etc. portrayed the LGBT community in a very sensitive, realistic light.
Of course, these movies shocked everyone & were surrounded by controversies. Movies like Page 3, Fashion, Bombay Talkies tried reviving the realism in the portrayal but we still fall back on crass stereotypes, time & again.

6. Every single gay character portrayed in a mainstream Bollywood movie will sound and talk exactly the same way, using a lot of double meaning dick jokes.

7. The LGBT community is always portrayed as something abnormal and ridicule-worthy in Bollywood movies. We’re yet to see a movie where they are portrayed as characters that have substance to them.
8. Most Bollywood movies add to the alienation of the LGBT community by having the movie’s lead characters say things like “yeh toh woh hai”.
9. You’ll never see an LGBT character portrayed in a Bollywood movie leading a simple, normal life going about his business. The person will always be decked up and on the streets doing nothing except hit on random people.
10. They are never portrayed as an accepted member of the society. They are always shown as outcasts and freaks who are only there in the movie for crude comic relief.

     ​Ten myths about homosexuality

         Hundreds of myths about homosexuality are doing the rounds out there. Here are ten common myths from around the world.

1. You need to have sex before you know if you are gay

Most straight people know they’re straight before they have sex. It’s no different if you’re gay, lesbian or bisexual. Your orientation is about who you are attracted to emotionally and physically.

2. Being gay is a choice

When did you decide to be heterosexual? Of course you didn’t ‘decide’ to be straight, because it isn’t a choice. Neither is being gay. It’s just the way you were born, and the way you feel inside.

3. Homosexuality is a mental illness or a disease

Homosexuality is a normal part of human sexuality. The idea that being gay is wrong is based on culture, traditions, or religious belief.  But from a medical or psychiatric point of view, being homosexual is perfectly normal.
Being gay is natural. Humans are not the only ones to have homosexual relationships: researchers have found examples among many animal species, from elephants to dolphins, from bears to buffalo.

4. There’s a cure for being gay

Being gay, lesbian or bisexual isn’t a disease, so you can’t be ‘cured’. There’s no scientific evidence that anything can change you from being homosexual to being heterosexual. It’s just the way you’re made. People who are unhappy about their homosexuality, perhaps for religious reasons or because of social and cultural pressure, sometimes learn to suppress their sexual feelings.
Some people try to change their sexuality through therapy, exorcism, or religious rituals. These can have very damaging effects, and none of them provide a ‘cure’. Many doctors and psychologists have spoken out against this ‘conversion’ or‘ex-gay’ therapy. These programs hurt the person who goes through them, and they can’t do anything to change a person’s sexual orientation.
If you have been or are thinking of going to ex-gay therapy, check out the site Beyond Ex-Gay.

5. Gays and lesbians can turn other people into homosexuals

You can’t be ‘converted’ to homosexuality, any more than you can be ‘cured’ of homosexuality. It’s just the way you’re made. And gays and lesbians aren’t out to ‘recruit’ people to homosexuality, even if it were possible!
Some people say they became properly aware of their sexuality through a particular person or experience – but that didn’t ‘make’ them homosexual. Most gays and lesbians say they’ve always known about their sexual orientation.
6. You’ll be cured of your homosexuality if you get married, or make love with someone of the opposite sex
No experience will make you straight if you’re homosexual. If you’re straight, sleeping with someone of the same sex can’t make you gay, and it’s the same the other way round. Again, it’s just the way you’re made.
So-called ‘corrective rape’ can never change a person’s sexuality. In any circumstances, rape is a serious crime.

7. You can tell homosexuals by the way they look and act

Just like heterosexuals, gay men and lesbianwomen don’t all look or behave in the same way. There are some gay and lesbian people who might fit into a stereotyped image, and plenty more who don’t. And there are homosexual people in all walks of life.

8. All homosexuals are paedophiles

A paedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to children. They may be straight or gay. There’s absolutely no relationship between being homosexual and being a paedophile.
9. Homosexuals are likely to have Aids – It’s a gay disease
Around the world, HIV/AIDS is more common among heterosexuals than homosexuals.  Anyone who engages in unprotected sex is at risk, whether they’re straight or gay.

10. The way homosexuals have sex is disgusting

Some straight people are horrified at the idea of homosexual sex. This is because they wouldn’t like to do it themselves, not because there’s anything ‘disgusting’ about gay sex.

People tend to associate sex between gay men with anal sex. But many gay men don’t have anal sex – they prefer to make love in other ways.And many heterosexuals like anal sex. Whether you’re into it or not is a matter of personal preference, whether you’re gay or straight.Gay women can have sex in all sorts of ways too – just like straight couples.
If you think homosexual sex is disgusting, it’s just because you’re looking at it and judging from your own point of view. After all, your favourite food might be delicious to you, but revolting to someone else!

That day

            ​The clothes I use to wear was not of my choice. I didn’t like to wear it. Since my childhood i have noticed society giving gender to clothes. I don’t really get with this fact. I never had the taught of wearing clothes looking at their gender. I’m fine wearing anything I liked irrespective of the gender of the clothes.

          My desired clothes were never in my wardrobe. My body always got covered with the boring t-shirt shirt or Jeans. My family being conservative will never allow me to wear what I wish to that’s why I thought of wearing clothes of my choice when I be out of locality or just behind close doors. Once I wanted to click some pictures of me in those clothes. One of my friend helped me in this. We went at her boyfriend’s place. I got one short and the top was suppose to be carried by her but she did get it…I was so excited for the shoot but my excitement completely drained off.

        Some how I managed to wear on top. I applied nailpolish. Did bit of make-up. Carried a clutch. And being completely sassy and beautiful I did my shoot. I felt so cheerful after seeing my pictures. That was a fantastic shoot but my wishes doesn’t end up their.

      I had lots of desires to make it true but I was just waiting for the right time.

                Shopping

              As my mom is dominating she only use to shop for me and my brother. Getting clothes for ourself was not in our hand. But I appreciate her clothes choice. But now sometimes I shop for me. From beginning I enjoyed going to super market getting grocery and shopping for festival. Im shopaholic.free time was like shopping time for me. More of I enjoy street shopping. I love to bargain. I’m not more behind brands. Style Strategy’ is about shopping smart, staying chic and making it all last. It’s about showing women how to shop for value without compromising style. Brand is not always style.

         Street shopping sometimes become a awkward for me as I like to shop androgynous cloths. I love wearing shorts. Buying a shorts for a guy is too out of the box thing. People envy me for my waxed legs.  They are hot indeed.

         Some shopkeeper preferred addressing me as ma’am rather then as a guy. I truly have good shopping experiences.

Mumbai local

I have always romanticized Indian train travels. But nowadays, I constantly meet people who turn up their noses when I mention that I’d prefer trains, and the first thing they ask is how I can stand to use the loos (a valid question, at that). They think I’m crazy that I’d rather spend hours on a train than spend a similar amount of money on a quicker and ‘more comfortable’ mode of transport. I hasten to say that in this world’s lack of time, I find taking a train almost luxurious – it is a true means of escape.
My love for trains might have begun when I was a kid; when we were taken once or twice every year to long-distance train journeys. Of course the window seat was a treat, and if you saw the engine turn while looking out of it, the purpose of the entire trip was served.

          But the real affair began when I started going college and regularly travelled in the trains’ general compartment between Tilak Nagar to Matunga. It was then that I started noticing people around me (unavoidable when you’re shoulder to shoulder) and was fascinated by the insight into human behaviour that those train journeys provided.

          Traveling through the general compartment was fun as I was mostly around hot guys. Despite of the fact that some really smell bad. Some incidence were horrible were I saw guys getting over my body. It was disgusting as it was happening without my will. It’s the bitter truth that people take advantage of rush in the trains. Once a senior men tried to grab my crotch. It was very embarrassing for me. I couldn’t react to it. I looked at him with anger so that he stop but he didn’t do that. The next stop was my destination so I board out of the train in hurry.

                   Hobby 

              ​During those days being lonely wasn’t a rare thing for me. Till the end of the day I had nothing to do. I had just liked painting but that wasn’t my hobby. Being alone became my hobby over time. I use to love being alone.

                This was not a periodic loneliness, it was not a loneliness that creeps up and puts a hand on your shoulder when you’re at a party without your spouse, and you suddenly miss them. This was not the type of loneliness that washes over you at night when you’re alone and your spouse is overseas on a weeks-long business trip. It was not even the loneliness that manifests when your spouse dies, and you are left without their physical presence.

                  No. This was a constant loneliness that accompanies your every waking – and sleeping – hour. It was the loneliness that arrests the blood flowing to and from your heart when you share your deepest feelings, and want to be yourself.

              Anyways I was happy being alone. As there was no.one to judge me , disrespect me, taunt me or hate me. When your are alone you the questions of bothering others doesn’t even provoke in your mind. This is the best part of being alone.

                  Beauty

              ​The fundamental reason many women were unwilling to give up fashion and cosmetics was that they had been saturated since childhood with patriarchal society’s emphasis on beauty. Women believed that they had to at least make an attempt to be conventionally beautiful or they would be branded unfeminine and undesirable. Women had been told over and over by the beauty industry that their products were the way to achieve the conventional standards of femininity that insured social acceptance

        For me looking beautiful wasn’t limited to women. Being a boy I looked beautiful which at times offended general public. According to them a guy cannot be looked beautiful a boy has to be handsome or smart.The idea of relating feminity with beauty  is out of my understanding.

                I loved growing my nails which made people to questioned my sex. In my tenth I had taught about the changes that occurs in male and female after puberty. But it was never stated that growing nails or hairs can convert a male to female.

               Beauty of a person lies within the soul. Inner beauty is much more important than the outer beauty. Outer beauty is temporary. But when ever I use to see young ladies wearing make up..or going to beauty salon..I also wanted to do that.

                People have the mind set that a gay person are fancy guys. By fancy guys I mean guys who like wearing makeup or who likes to look glamorous. It’s obvious everyone wants to look glamorous in their own way. Let me ask you don’t you want to look good? I know most of the answer will be yes. The answer was same in my case. But I defined my beauty in my own way I didn’t want others to define it on the basis of their mentality.

            Going to beauty salon getting my hairs done… manicure pedicure was just like a dream for me. But I know one day I will make this dream come true.

             Confession

                ​I was constantly open to being with young ladies. Young men thought I’m exploiting my pure face. Since for them it was hard to try and chat with young ladies. Some folks utilized me as a flag-bearer to fabricate an association with young ladies. Later on I comprehended and quit doing that. I had a companion and she was extremely delightful. We were great companions. Our fellowship got 7 years of age. Now and then she use to instruct me to walk straight, control my motions, talk generally yet I neglected. She didn’t attempt to transform me since I wasn’t right she did it since she didn’t need me to be a piece of somebody’s diversion. She had an imagined that I’m covertly appreciating her. It was hard to conceal my character for so long.One day I thought of turning out to her. Since I knew she is sufficiently comprehensive to comprehend me and acknowledge me. 
             It was valentine’s day..we both met of course. We both didn’t have any valentine so we just relaxed together. One the path back to home I thought of admitting her. We both remained outside her door. I told ” tune in, there’s something I need to state you.” I was shuddering. It was surprisingly i was turning out to somebody. I got numb for few moments. She got eager to listen what I will share. Her interest was rising. I advised her to figure. What’s more, I will acknowledge the correct figure by trying to say a yes. Her suppositions influenced me to snicker. She speculated that I will propose her. Her next figure was I’m cross-sexual. Furthermore, in conclusion she said ” you are gay”. She realized that her bestie is not straight but rather she was additionally confounded as once I had proposed her. This turning out made our bond more solid. She was so astonished about me being so open about my sexuality. She had such a large number of things to ask however her bliss was past everything. That day is valuable to me. My first admission was so warmly acknowledged. 

            This turning out gave me quality to battle. It showed me not to put myself down. Also, it influenced me to understand that there are individuals who will remain for me.